I haven’t written anything lately for a number of reasons.
- My Mom died
- My son was born
- My family moved to another apartment
I also focused more on reading and researching on how to properly care for a baby amongst other books I decided to finish this year.
I also took up the 25 page per day challenge that became 25 minutes to eventually an hour or more per day.
I also went ahead and decided to unplug myself from social media for awhile as I focus on taking care of my wife and my child.
Suffice to say, I was very, very tired and really stressed because of the sudden change of sleeping habit.
I would say that the last perfect sleep I ever had was before my son was born and boy was that last year and It is almost March.
So the 100 days of Yoga and Intermittent Fasting was shelved for awhile.
Until I decided to go back to it yesterday doing a full one meal a day instead of the usual Intermittent Fasting and practicing an hour of Yoga in the morning and afternoon.
I might change the protocol a bit to: One Meal A Day (OMAD) + Yoga.
Still, I feel that I must stick to the Low Carb High Fat Diet as I still feel sick whenever I eat rice. I feel bloated and I get terrible migraines.
So Mom died.
I really don’t know where to start.
But I know what I felt when she died.
I felt lost and empty.
It is as if a part of me also died.
The last time I felt this way was when my best friend and who I consider as my brother died.
Until now I struggle to find the words to properly write about him.
I often think of him and see him in my dreams, and I shed a tear or two.
This is the same feeling when Mom died.
I don’t know if I am ready to share what I feel and write it all down. (I will try to write it here for posterity)
But Mom was the best thing that ever happened to me.
The night before she died, I was praying.
And a deep sense of sorrow came over me, that I found myself sobbing vehemently on the edge of the bed.
That’s when I got the sense that Mom is dying and perhaps this is her way of saying goodbye.
The next day my brother called and told me the news.
I was already holding back my tears on the way to our house.
Alighting the jeepney I rode in Kalayaan, I walked towards our house and saw my brother Julien and Jade.
We hugged and he told me that they will just go to the bank and Mom is in the house and he told me to remain calm.
I went inside the house and saw Mom on her bed.
She was gone.
I held her hand it was still a bit warm and cried at her right hand side.
It might be called the saddest day of my life.
Two days ago I visited her and massaged her head and body.
Afterwards, I told her that I will come back on Friday to massage her again as I usually do every week as much as I can and whenever I can in between bringing my wife to the hospital for her pregnancy checkups. I even asked my wife to come straight to the house after work as I want Mom to see her huge tummy.
When Precy (my wife) arrived, I helped Mom’s right hand touch Precy’s tummy and she was very, very happy seeing how big the baby is growing.
That was on October 16, 2018. On October 18, 2018 she expired.
I was the one who joined her inside the funeral car in the body bag prepared by the funeral home.
I placed my hand on top of her tummy all the way to the funeral chapel.
I also went into the morgue and kissed her goodbye.
Breast Cancer took Mom. A really bad case of cancer, a triple negative one.
She fought till the end.
But it only took one year before it eventually caught up with her.
All those times I always told her that I love her.
She said she will be free of cancer and she will see my first born, her grandson on December.
I knew she was there when my son was born. In spirit.
Perhaps the hardest part was when I was left alone in the funeral chapel.
I was apologizing to her and crying all the time because I couldn’t financially help in her cancer treatment continuously as I was very short on money.
I kept saying sorry, sorry, sorry. And thanking her profusely.
She was cremated on October 19, 2018 with the urn of Dad placed beside her. (Dad is the one in the Gray urn and Mom is the one in white)
On the way home, I was the one holding her urn, and as I enter our house I found myself crying again.
My Mom is home. My Dad is home.
We love you Mom and we miss you very very much.