People are saying that the best way to grow is to love yourself, take care of it and battle with it at the same time while you strive for your potential.
While that is true, I somehow feel that it misses the point.
If you really want to know how to love yourself, you should start with loving someone, and it starts with having a kid.
Before you shake your heads and spew curses at me or in the air I would like you to consider the following:
Loving a kid means having to see a part of yourself OUTSIDE of yourself while being mindful that every decision you make has its repercussions.
Come to think of it, how many of us are guilty of still doing the same old dangerous thing even when we know that it is wrong and it will lead us to our peril?
Now notice that with a kid, multiply that issue every single day with a living breathing human being that is also part you and part someone you love and you will realize how STUPID you really were and how much you needed guidance.
But, people say that you need to be complete first before you love someone?
With this I quote Scott Adams of Dilbert comics as quoted by James Clear:
“Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results.”
Being complete is a goal, however it also restricts happiness, consider the following by James Clear:
Problem #3: Goals restrict your happiness. – The implicit assumption behind any goal is this: “Once I reach my goal, then I’ll be happy.” The problem with a goals-first mentality is that you’re continually putting happiness off until the next milestone.
I’ve slipped into this trap so many times I’ve lost count. For years, happiness was always something for my future self to enjoy. I promised myself that once I gained twenty pounds of muscle or after my business was featured in the New York Times, then I could finally relax. Furthermore, goals create an “either-or” conflict: either you achieve your goal and are successful or you fail and you are a disappointment.
You mentally box yourself into a narrow version of happiness. This is misguided. It is unlikely that your actual path through life will match the exact journey you had in mind when you set out. It makes no sense to restrict your satisfaction to one scenario when there are many paths to success.
A systems-first mentality provides the antidote. When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. And a system can be successful in many different forms, not just the one you first envision.
I remember a few years back when my wife and I went to a friends wedding and we were waiting on the hotel lobby with some of my batch-mates in college.
The topic of the conversation turned to me and my wife wanting to have a child.
To this a female batch mate of mine gasped and asked: “Are you sure you really want to have a baby?”
We said: “Of course we do”, and then she just laughed.
I would totally understand her reaction, she had her first child immediately after graduating from college. She also keeps writing her age in forms she’s filling up as 21 despite being older than that, which she mentioned that perhaps her unconscious is telling her that her life stopped when she was 21.
She felt that she didn’t reach her full potential, that while her friends were reaching their dreams, she was stuck nursing a baby at home.
To say that there’s trauma (for her) involved in raising a child is an understatement, having two to three babies completely compounds the trauma.
However, having a child right now, I totally understand where she’s coming from.
“The best thing about not having children is that you can go on believing that you’re a good person.” – Fay Weldon.
Raising a child makes you realize a lot of things, and chief of those is that you need other people, but mostly you also need a really high level of resolve.
YOU WILL BE FORCED TO HAVE DISCIPLINE, whereas before it was non-existent.
This is one of the reasons why a lot of marriages buckle and give.
These are some of the most common things you will give up once you have a baby:
You will be forced to give up sleep.
You will be forced to give up social interactions (or be forced to limit it)
You will be forced to give up the the activities you enjoy when you don’t have a child.
The list is endless, and oftentimes you will find yourself adding more to the list instead of removing some of them.
Another friend of mine said that I would have to put off having a normal life until the child turns seven years old. (no problem I don’t consider myself normal anyway hehehe)
A male friend of mine once messaged me in Facebook and said: “It’s hard to have a baby noh? Its like torture?”
I just laughed it off but I can’t help but admit that the feeling is mutual (hahaha) or to some extent that it is true.
You see, I always see life as suffering, therefore aside from the occasional existential crises I experience from time to time I think I can get by with my friends observation.
I guess it also comes down with the intention.
My friend that was stuck at 21 didn’t really want to have a baby when she had them.
My male friend, well I am not sure what his plans were when he had his baby, but most of my male friends aren’t married or have no plans whatsoever.
I think I can only count with my right hand the number of male friends I know who willingly choose to get married and have kids.
Some of the reasons I heard why they don’t want to get married and have kids spans from the political, economical to the mundane.
It is hard to have kids when you are poor.
It is hard to have kids when the world only has ten years to exist. (fans of global warming)
it is hard to raise a child with this kind of economy.
I don’t want to destroy my sexy figure.
I still want to enjoy life.
I am not ready.
Life is hard, why would you want your son/daughter to suffer by being born?
The list goes on an on, but what I come to realize is that anyone can come up with any reason as long as they find it personally to be true.
While I respect all of their reasons I don’t have to agree that all of them are valid.
Human beings are complex like that.
I see their decisions instead as a long term one.
The harsh reality is that we all grow old, get sick and then we die.
Some people regardless of their reasons choose to exit this life with all their genes and former glory.
Perhaps for them it is too hard to have a baby, perhaps its not worth their time, or perhaps it impedes on their happiness, I wouldn’t know.
But perhaps trying to look at this issue the other way around gives it a more proper perspective.
What if your parents also didn’t choose to have you?
What if they also felt that you were an added baggage for their lives?
What if you also don’t deserve to live and enjoy what you are enjoying now because your parents weren’t “ready” to have you?
This is why a baby will force you to grow, whether you like it or not, it will polish you burn you, then polish you again and like a diamond will make you a better person (if you want too).
And a baby will always be something you’ll love, (if you don’t love a baby then perhaps you have to re-consider your reason for existing because you were once a baby and you were once loved as well)
By writing this I am not saying that there’ no wisdom in growing as an individual without the hassle of having a baby.
But if you really want to take it to the higher level you need to take a higher responsibility.
And learning how to love yourself also starts from learning how to love your kid UNCONDITIONALLY.
I’ve consciously stopped myself from writing about my faith or my thoughts about the metaphysical for quite some time, because I thought that a lot of people more authoritative than I, have already written their thoughts on spiritual matters.
I’ve talked with people who are atheists and called themselves people of science and are quick to dispel and ridicule experiences of anyone and call them “imaginations of the mind” while giving credence to the power of the human mind to create irrational experiences and thus categorizing such experiences as “paranormal”.
I myself fell victim with such quick witted individuals, who are more happy to brand anyone’s “spiritual” experience foolish as long as it doesn’t fall under their definition of what is spiritual.
I find these people very arrogant and disrespectful, not only because their assumptions are in itself unscientific and stupid but at the same time cancels the chance for an open dialogue in the spirit of inquiry while halting a real chance of a conversation.
But the truth of the matter is, I do understand them, and I totally get where they are coming from, because in one way or another I was like them. And the only way that I was able to change my point of view is not by ridiculing people who ran counter to what I believe, but by being and trying to be in their shoes and seeing the world the way they see it.
I mean, isn’t it more scientific to be the one sitting and observing a group playing sprit of the glass because you want to find out if the glass really moves and if it does answer questions?
Isn’t it more scientific to join paranormal investigators and see for yourself if there were really “ghosts” haunting a particular place?
Isn’t the whole business of experimentation about proving or disproving a theory?
But alas, even if they experience anything out of the ordinary, these people already has an explanation even before hearing out about other people’s explanations, perhaps people who are more skeptic than them and has been studying the phenomenon for years?
And what about the 30 million people out there who experienced near death experiences? Do you just brush them all away as a figment of one’s imagination?
Anyway, kaya ko sinusulat ito eh kasi medyo naaasar nako sa mga taong napaka sure sa sarili nilang alam nila lahat ng sagot sa mundo lalo na pagdating sa mga spiritual na bagay.
(Note: I shifted to tagalog because I feel that I need to write more on my own language)
Sa lahat ng pinaka ayaw ko eh yung mga taong sarado ang utak at mas mabilis pang mang husga kesa pag-aralan nila sa sarili nilang baka may point naman talaga yung taong kausap nila.
However here’s my very own experience of the paranormal and I have to admit that I have a lot, I consider them things I can’t explain scientifically because after they happened they can never be replicated and can’t be willed to happen as opposed to how scientists would like to judge a phenomenon outside of their own experience.
Because for scientists as long as it can never be replicated and “objectively” observed then it means that the phenomenon itself is not “scientific”.
So here’s what happened:
The Spirit Of The Glass
Nag-start kaming maglaro ng spirit of the glass nung college ako sa U.P. Dorm, ang reason talaga kaya sumali ako eh para patunayang hindi ito totoo, at the same time out of curiosity na rin.
Sinimulan kasi ito nung isang friend naming babae na balita samin eh lagi nyang nilalaro mag-isa sa boarding house nya, i mean talk about courage di ba?
Nag-lalaro siya mag-isa, ganun siya katapang, at sinasagot daw ang mga tanong nya.
So inaya nila akong maglaro sa kwarto nila sa dorm kasi co-ed yung dorm namin, sa F3 kami naglaro.
Each room sa dorm walo ang nakatira, so naturally yung ibang andun sa kwarto hindi payag sa gusto naming gawin, pero tinuloy pa rin namin kasi naman wala na kaming ibang lugar na pwedeng paglaruan so lumabas na lang muna sila ng kwarto.
At dahil sobrang mga walang pera ang mga tao noong panahon na yun, instead of using a cardboard, we just used some manila paper and drew some of the illustrations that a usual Ouija board has and then we used a simple glass that is not too tall pero medyo heavy.
Kailangan patay ang ilaw tapos may isang kandila malapit sa manila paper, there were 4-5 of us playing the game.
Then you place a finger or two on top of the glass turned upside down and you place the glass on the “base” or “home”.
When starting the “game” or in other words, the conjuring of the spirit, there’s a ritual one must do, I am loathe to share this here as I really find it disturbing. However, this ritual I found out is the same ritual that satanists use to mock the divine. So yeah we were so naive and dumb to realize that in our excitement to play the game and call a spirith forth we were in fact mocking God and everything that’s good, and we didn’t know it.
Not surprisingly the ritual worked and the glass was gliding as if its a hoverboard on top of the manila paper on the cold hard cement floor.
When it glided we were asking each other who was moving it, and everyone was saying they aren’t moving it.
The glass will abruptly stop moving if we remove our fingers all at once, to give you an idea how it moves, it moves in a circular motion, at first it will trace a huge circle and then little by little it becomes a smaller circle and then will land on the letter that it is meant to go to.
Personally I find this strange because if the glass isn’t guided by a spirit or if we were the one guiding it why the need to form a circle and do it slowly (or sometimes fast) until it lands on the right letter that it wants to spell?
It just doesn’t make sense, i mean if we all wanted to go to a letter to answer a question or spell out a sentence we wouldn’t need any extra movement for the glass to move on.
Also I asked it questions in which I was the only one who knows the answer and it was able to answer the question properly, so unless I want the person to be answered I should be the one controlling the glass, but no it moves as if it has a will of its own and answers my question even when I don’t want it to be answered by me.
So it works that way, and here’s the reason bakit di nako naglalaro ng spirit of the glass.
One day my friend who introduced me to spirit of the glass invited me to join them by opening the door to my room and peeking in, I declined kasi nga medyo weird na yung feeling ko and I am beginiing to think that it there’s something wrong.
I was staying in another room and again they are playing it in another room, mga 20 steps from where I am staying.
After saying no to my friend she went ahead and closed the door and went on with their plans.
After a few minutes i decided to pray a silent prayer, meaning wala akong sinasabi, sa utak ko lang ako nagdasal. Sa loob ng room mag-isa.
I prayed na sana maging safe yung mga maglalaro ng spirit of the glass and walang masamang mangyare sa kanila.
A few minutes after praying mga 10-15 perhaps may kumatok sa pinto, it opened and it was my friend who invited me to the game.
She asked me what I was doing, I said “wala” and then she said that the spirit that they are talking to told her to come to my room and stop me from doing what I am doing kasi nakakasagabal sa kaniya.
So sabi ko ok, maski sobrang weirded out na ako.
My friend said godbye and proceeded to close the door.
I never told my friend that I prayed, kasi nga nabigla ako and I don’t even know if yun ba talaga yung ibig sabihin nung “spirit” na kausap nila.
So sabi ko lang sa sarili ko na baka fluke lang yun and then decided to pray again.
AGAIN after a few minutes my friend came back. Asking the same question and telling me the same reaction of the spirit that they are talking to.
It happened three times that it came to a point na nagalit na yung friend ko sakin at sinigawan nako kasi galit na daw yung “spirit” na kausap nila.
I know my friend very well, she’s not the kind you mess around with, she’s not someone who jokes around these things and she doesn’t make up these kind of things.
In short hindi nya ako ginu-good time.
So pray tell, bakit naman nya gagawin yung ginawa nya kung gusto lang nay ako pagtripan aber?
But no, yung nakausap kong super duper man of science daw siya eh sabi “eh baka naman she was just making fun of you, also wala ka naman dun sa room nila pano mo masasabing galit talaga yung kausap nya eh wala ka naman dun”
Tang-ina lang di ba? what a way to be scientific my ass.
In that regard, why should I even trust anything that he tells me di ba?
Tapos hirit pa siya ng hirit ng “I am a man of science!”
So you see everything is about faith, I have faith that what my “man of science” friend told is true because I have faith in him.
Anyway, madami pang reason bakit naniniwala ako sa paranormal at sa divine, I don’t think mapapaniwala ako ng kahit sinong kausap ko na walang Diyos.
I’ve put off writing for some time even though I included it in my list of things that I needed to do for the week for the sole reason that I can’t seem to find time for myself in the afternoons.
I know it’s not as great excuse, and I never want to have one, believe me.
I am not the type to make up excuses, but please hear me out and take note of what I am going to say.
Life is not the same when you have a baby.
Once you have a baby you will realize that your time is not yours anymore.
It’s your baby’s time and it means ALL THE TIME.
Or perhaps that’s what my current experience calls for.
But before you lose your sanity (and believe me you will get that close to losing it when you are raising a child) you might need a really strong sense of self control and will to do the things that you want to do.
And just like now, when my body wants to lie down and read a book or watch a netflix series I decided to write as I am supposed to do.
And write I will do as I would want to make this exercise a habit.
The problem is, what should I write about?
Well there’s the first birthday of my favorite son, thats well and good.
We celebrated it at Max restaurant, Matalino (honestly I wouldn’t recommend the place though, the food is just ok while the venue is crap) I mean they cramped 30 visitors in a small room, it was so small you have to move out of the room to go to the other side of the room.
Service is satisfactory, but not really good, and for the price of 24,000 I think it’s not worth it.
I will give the food and the place two out of five stars, definitely not going back there.
Still it was a great birthday and my son enjoyed it along with family.
I blame myself though I should’ve checked the function room thoroughly and yet I forgot about it.
You see, when you’ve been lacking sleep for the past year with an ever changing habit formation comparable to a slot machine you’ll get my drift.
the Global Magnitsky Act is alive and well and this spells a lot of trouble for people like Duterte as well as his followers.
It’s a pain in the ass for China and other countries who hates human rights.
Personally I have no qualms about weaponizing human rights, as I see it the ideology where human rights rests upon is already a weaponized one since its initial inception.
I mean everything that requires a clash of ideas is already a source of conflict, albeit I am happy that once and for all, victims of human rights abuses have a way of getting back at its perpetrators.
My main concern though is who determines who’s a human rights violator?
With this I think we need to go back and re-visit the Nuremberg trials after World War two.
Anyway I am nursing a really bad case of stiff neck and headache.
Ciao for now.